


The Voices

by Irhaboggles



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Care, Fluff, Free Verse, Freeform, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, One Shot, Rambling, Random - Freeform, Support
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22860670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irhaboggles/pseuds/Irhaboggles
Summary: Don't listen to the ones inside of your head. Listen to the ones outside. The voices that tell you they love you. I know it's hard to believe, and maybe even provokes you into recoiling. But please, resist the urge and listen to them speak. If you can't have faith in yourself, please put your faith in us. In me.
Comments: 43
Kudos: 7





	1. The Voices

Please, please, please. Don't listen to them. Don't listen to the voices. The voices in your head that constantly put you down and make you doubt. I know how seductive they can be. I know how insistent they can be. But please, please, please, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM.

Instead...

Listen to the voices on the outside. The ones that call you smart, lovely, kind, courageous, and beautiful. Maybe you don't believe them, but I'm begging you to try. If you cannot believe in yourself, then believe in them, and in me. And believe that when we say you are worthy of love, we truly mean it.

It may hurt to hear words of such love, but that is only because you are so conditioned to hate. So now I give you the task of unlearning all of that. It won't be easy or fun. In fact, it'll be deeply uncomfortable (and maybe even painful). But it HAS to be done.

Just think about these quotes: "The sun still shines even if it's hidden."

"The sun isn't beautiful because I say it is. It was beautiful long before I ever came along. Through my words, I am only acknowledging a fact."

Cheesy? Yes. Cliche? Yes. Important to remember? Absolutely.

Call me a hypocrite, because I am not a woman of faith, but I'm still begging you to have some blind faith now. If you cannot trust yourself, then put all of your trust in us! Believe us when we say you are good.

Even if you doubt, throw all of it aside and give us your blind faith. Take us at face-value. Please believe us. I know now why faith is a virtue and I'm begging you to have some, and if not in yourself, then in ME! Jump, and I will catch you.

And if that doesn't convince you? Imagine yourself in MY shoes. If you were comforting a friend, you would tell them how much you loved them, and how good and worthy they truly were. Would this be the honest truth? Or would you just be saying this to be nice? In the same way you would want your friend to believe that you were being sincere, please believe me.

Please, please, please believe me. Listen to the voices. Not the voices within. But the voices all around. There are so many of them. Just listen and believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I don't know how many people will see this, but I hope those that do take this to heart and know that I mean every single word. It's hard to believe when people compliment you, but please trust them nonetheless. It's not easy, but please try. If nothing else, please at least try. Dare to relinquish control and just trust. If you can't have faith in yourself, put all of it in those you love.
> 
> (I'm fine, but I was in a very emotional voice chat earlier and this was inspired off of it. Please, to anyone who reads this, take it to heart. And feel free to reach out to me. My inbox is always open, for anything and everything!)


	2. No More Heroes, No More Martyrs

Don't be a hero. Don't be a martyr. I don't want a savior. I want a friend. I want an equal. I want someone who can be open with me, vulnerable with me. I don't need a wall or a shield. I don't want one either. I don't need a "protector" or a superior. I need an equal, a partner.

I know vulnerability is scary, but it is so worth it. Even if it doesn't seem so at first. You just need to find the courage and heart to close your eyes and leap. But I believe that you can do it. I believe that we all can. And I believe that we all have to.

It's none of our faults that we were raised in a world that mistakenly equivocated strength with emotional stoicism, but for the sake of ourselves and all who come after us, we NEED to unlearn it.

Please, don't mistakenly think that hiding yourself away is doing anyone any good. It's not. Not only does it hurt you, but it hurts the people around you. Of course it's ok to keep some secrets, but a true relationship is built upon trust, mutuality and openness. By hiding away, you aren't somehow protecting your loved ones, even if you think you are. The better option, even though it may feel like the more unpleasant one, is to be open and honest with them, rather than trying to bottle up your emotions for their sakes.

Think of it this way. If it were your friend, you'd want them to be open and honest with you. You'd want them to trust you, and feel safe enough to talk to you. Treat yourself the same way and don't be afraid to be weak. I know it's a common belief that we must bottle ourselves up so that others can be emotional, but if we all adopt that mentality, then no one will ever open up.

So we all need to break that mentality now, together. No more heroes, no more martyrs, just friends who are willing to truly be open with one another and trust that everything will be ok afterward.

I don't need a "hero". I need someone who will stand WITH me and be fully present with me. Every little piece, good and bad, flaw and virtue. I need someone who will truly be there. The brave heroic thing to do now is not to hide, but to come out. Face your fears and be willing to open up.

Of course, I know it takes time, and no one should feel compelled, pressured or guilted into opening up too soon, but just don't take up the mistaken belief that you need to hide yourself in order to protect others. You're doing the opposite. It's a hard mentality to break, but that's why I want us to all try together. Strength in numbers.

We don't need any more martyrs or sacrificial lambs or "saviors". What we need are friends, equals and comrades… and family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I've been feeling sentimental this past week and here are the results: More of me flinging helpless, hopeless comforts in the dark in the hope that someone will find them and make use of them.
> 
> And like always, my inbox is always open for anything! Love you guys!


	3. You Are Worthy, You Always Were

You are worthy.

You always were.

It was only the way in which the world has been shaped that ever made you anything less than magnificent and perfect.

But that's why you need to stop looking through, and with, the eyes of the world.

If you look through those, you're placing all your value and worth on Earthly standards.

Do you make enough money? Do you have enough material goods? Do you have enough friends? Is your sphere of influence big enough? Have you done anything "good" or "worthy" with your life? Are you popular? Powerful? Are your grades good?

These questions will plague your mind if you continue to try to look at yourself with the eyes of the world.

Instead, try measuring yourself based on love, mercy, forgiveness, understanding, passion and desires.

Instead of judging yourself based on what you CAN do, judge yourself based on what you WANT to do.

Measure yourself in how kind you can be. And in what dreams you hold.

But even then, don't look at what you want to do with Earthly eyes.

Look at what you want to do through eyes that see the small things in life, rather than just the large or profitable gains.

I know everything is about how much you make or what you look like, but we need to turn away from that mindset.

See yourself through eyes of love, wonder, mercy and compassion.

See yourself through MY eyes.

I think every single person who reads this is wonderful, and for several reasons.

1\. As a human, you are worth dignity, respect, honor and happiness

2\. You're reading MY work, which of course will gain you my everlasting gratitude

3\. If you were drawn to this piece specifically because you needed to hear this kind of message, then you already have the self-awareness to know what you need and the strength and resolve to seek it out

Don't see yourself through the eyes of money or materials, but through understanding and joy.

Love the small things in life.

Don't focus so much on the big.

Don't make the tempting but fatal error of comparing yourself to celebrities, CEOs and other big names.

Every small act of kindness you are capable of doing is worth the world.

The only thing that makes it seem like the celebrities, CEOs and other big names are worth more is that they just so happen to receive recognition for their actions.

But just because you and I don't get medals for our good deeds, that doesn't mean they are any less good or valuable.

Many heroes go unsung. That doesn't make them any less worthy.

It sucks not to be recognized for the greatness inherent within you, but that greatness is no less just because you remain invisible.

Some of my biggest heroes are people the rest of the world will forget. But they still mean the world to me. Maybe they aren't Taylor Swift or Bill Gates or Martin Luther King Jr. but that does not make them any less worthy. It doesn't mean I love them any less. I would give them the world if I could. Because they deserve just as much recognition for their kindness.

You don't need to reach the stars to deserve life, love, happiness and respect.

You can still mean the world with your feet still on the ground.

Even the smallest acts of kindness mean the most to someone.

The values society has set now are arbitrary.

You may not be Superman, but you don't have to be.

You don't need to be a hero to deserve the world.

You already do.

You are worthy.

You always were.

It was only the way in which the world has been shaped that ever made you anything less than magnificent and perfect.

But just because the world doesn't acknowledge it, that doesn't make you any less deserving or any less wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Who's ready for more sappy comfort? I hope you guys are because you deserve it. Truly. Anyone and everyone who reads this, I freaking love you and my inbox is open to anyone for anything! You guys are the best, I appreciate your time, and I want you to know that I believe in you. You can keep on trucking. You'll make it. This is the sign that you have at least one person at your back and I will do everything I can to help you out. Stay strong, loves! And don't forget how truly marvelous you really are. 
> 
> You are worth and capable of so much more than you truly know!


	4. A World, Not THE World

It seems to be a curse upon humanity that all of us feel like we are not enough. Or that we are not _doing_ enough. At least not compared to other people… And even if we all know what a grave mistake it is to compare ourselves to others, we do it anyway, and it stings badly. We feel lesser, as if we are worse people who don't deserve the good things we have. We believe the entire world is contributing more than we are, and that we are the one person everyone secretly hates because we are the one person who just isn't enough.

But the thing is, if we _all_ feel that way, then who among us is truly enough? Who is the one who does enough? Who truly deserves every good thing that they have? Or is it all just relative? The way we perceive the world is flawed and incomplete. We base our opinions off of lies. If every person feels as if the next person over is an infinitely better person than us, then we are not using a good standard of measurement. If, from the worst to the best, each person alive feels equally inadequate and undeserving, then who among us objectively fits the bill? We may perceive ourselves as the worst person in the world, but in the eyes of someone else, we are one of the good people that _they_ envy because _they_ see _themselves_ as the worst person in the world (and so on, and so forth).

But outside of the debate of who truly deserves what they have, I believe another paradigm shift is in order. I cannot take credit for this shift, however. Instead, it was Tumblr who helped me out. For as much crap as we give Tumblr, there are some very insightful and uplifting posts out there and one of my favorites pointed out that doing your best is not just seeing how far you can push yourself. Instead, it's how far you can push yourself _comfortably._ If you're working so hard you're burning out, then it is no longer your best at that point. Mental and emotional health are the invisible currencies people forget to take into account when they try to calculate their worth or skill and if they are not being met, then it is not your best anymore.

The second shift is learning to appreciate the small things in life. And I don't just mean things like sunrises or teacups. Instead, it is of vital importance to never underestimate the power of the butterfly effect. The smallest, simplest of actions can have the largest of consequences in the end. One kind word can save a life. One inspiring word can launch a career. One little smile can fill a broken heart. The easiest, simplest, kindest actions often go the farthest in terms of pay-off.

And even if the deed goes unnoticed, it still becomes a part of history. After all, think about how many people you study in history class vs. how many people have ever existed. Even if we only study a tiny portion of the total percent of all people who have ever lived, each and every life contributed to the story. After all, all those war heroes would've been nothing without their army. And every historical hero we ever revere was someone's child. So you matter, even if you think you don't. Every relationship you have is another chance to share in the final victory of history. Every life you touch is a part of your collection, and because of the way relationships spread out, you have already touched a lot of lives without ever even realizing it. (After all, where would celebrities be without their fans? And thanks to those fans, celebrities can continue to reach out and touch other people which, in turn, creates more fans, and the cycle continues).

And for another example, how many people here knew about Carmilla? The vampire who predated and inspired Dracula by roughly 26 years? It was Dracula who became a historical hero, but without Carmilla, he would've never existed. Even if she is not as remembered, he exists thanks in part to her. And even lesser known is Christabel, who may have inspired Carmilla. Each and every story led into the next. Even if you are never a Dracula, you may be a Carmilla or Christabel and that is no less important. You matter now, and you always will. You change the very course of history just by being alive. Even if your deeds seem small or unimportant, they still matter in the grand scheme of things. You matter and the universe itself notices you even if no one else does. Take your share in the final victory of history and revel in it. You've earned it.

For me, I try to remind myself that even if I never reach a high level of influence, I can still do a lot of good with what I _do_ have. Even if my deeds are neither large nor recognized, that does not make them any less good. The success of one does not always have to come at the cost of another. And the success of one is not reliant upon how large their sphere of influence is. Your worth, value and potential are not contingent upon what use you have to our current society. They are contingent upon what you are capable of and what you choose to do. I am no hero or celebrity, but I deserve a good life just as much as everyone else does. I may not be an influencer, but I'm using every skill I have to help make people's days better. That's why I sit here, writing this "story" now. I use my skill to improve the world because I know that even if only one person reads this, that's one worthy life improved and they can, in turn, improve the lives of others.

So make a list of your good deeds and tell yourself that in all of them, you touched a life and, in that small way, you changed the world. Thanks to you, someone's day got better and that changed the course of history, even if in only a small way. But here, size doesn't matter. Every improved day counts. You don't need to be a big name to do big things. And doing small things is equally important. You just fill a different role.

Just because it's not a deed that the history books will remember doesn't mean it wasn't a deed worth doing. Besides, since we know the world will end one day anyway, even the biggest names of all time will eventually be forgotten, so you have nothing to worry about. Instead, just go out there and do your best (which means reaching a max potential _that you feel comfortable with_ ) and remember that the smallest of deeds can have the greatest of impacts. It's the butterfly effect and it is all too real. So never feel like you are not enough. You will surprise yourself with just how much you can become and just how many lives you touch, you just may not know it quite yet.

Maybe you can't save THE world, but you can save A world and, if you ask me, that is more than enough.

And why should your inability to save THE world halt your desire to save A world?

Because to someone, A world _is_ THE world.

And to them, and your little act of kindness means everything, even if you don't think it does.

It's all about perspective, honestly. Find a starving man and he'd choose food over money.

To anyone you meet, your seemingly small deed could mean the world, so don't be afraid to act.

But until you try, you'll never know…

Maybe you can't save THE world, but you can save A world and, if you ask me, that is more than enough.


	5. Love of Self and Others

There are many great traits to have. In my opinion, however, some of the best have to do with kindness, and the ability to give and receive it.

When I was a kid, though, all we ever talked about was strength and bravery. Toughness. Every kid wanted to be the biggest and coolest. Including me. It was our "Gryffindor days" where everyone wanted to be the hero or savior or champion or White Knight.

Then I grew up and moved into a "Ravenclaw" phase where intelligence was the most important thing. Nothing made me prouder than my big brain. I was certain I'd be a renowned scientist or doctor one day, a real genius!

But then I had a paradigm shift and now all I want to preach is kindness. That's not to say the other traits aren't as good, but I think kindness is so massively underestimated and underutilized. The ability to be gentle, loving and vulnerable, I think that is the most important thing. At least in today's wounded world.

Now I have made my heart my center. My kindness is my currency. My value is in what I do and say and give. What I love most about myself is my ability to understand and empathize. What I take the most pride in is my love, kindness and patience. It is not just who I innately am, nor is it my intellect or skill. It is my choices and actions. Those are what I pride about myself because those are what I can control and what I can use to leave a positive mark on this world.

Again, that's not to say other talents and traits are inferior, but I am trying to "signal boost" the virtues of being slow to anger rather than always being ready to "throw hands" (though there is definitely a time and place for that too). And even beyond the basic and vague trait of love, I want to specify that the true value lies in being able to give AND receive.

Of course it is important to give love, to be kind and understanding and selfless. But another invaluable trait is the ability to receive love, to believe it when others tell you that they love you, and the ability to truly understand that there are, in fact, people out there who genuinely care for you and your wellbeing, even if it doesn't seem like it.

To me, the ability of showing love to others (*in a way that they register as loving) is just as important as the ability to understand it when it's coming towards you. And similarly is the power of self-love, and not just in the "#treat yo self" way, but in the way that says "I am good and worthy" and "I deserve my happiness and my life". This is the voice that begs you to take care of yourself even if you don't think you deserve it, and this is the voice that tells you you deserve love and you are loveable even if you think otherwise.

I genuinely believe in the power of love and in love being a very powerful force. Maybe the cheap "Disney slogan" way we treat love is a bit misleading and overly-simplistic, but I still do believe in the core of the message that even if a kiss cannot wake a sleeping princess, love can still change the world. It's not easy, love, but it's worth it.

So yes, when I say I value love above all other things, I'm not just trying to sound like a Disney Princess. I mean it truly. And I'm not just referring to the ability to show love, but to also receive it, and to feel it from your own self. It's the love of self and others that I'm talking about.

*This is similar to love-languages (non-romantically) and communication is key here. Make sure you know how other people register love and try to match the way you display it to the way they receive it. I can't tell you how many times I'd show love (or have someone show love to me) but because we weren't on the same page, the actions didn't quite register properly. It happens more often than you think, to be honest.


	6. So Different, But So Similar

I've come to realize that all of us struggle with self-esteem. No matter who we are and no matter where we are (literally or metaphorically) it seems like everyone struggles with self-esteem. Even those whom we would die to be because we think their lives are so perfect, or that they would be the last person to feel alone or ashamed, are not immune to this curse of self-loathing.

In some ways, this is disheartening, to think that everyone on this planet feels so miserable, but the way I see it, this is actually cause for hope, joy and unity. If we all feel this way, we have common ground. We can empathize. We are on the same page. We can unite. And we are all on the same level. If we all feel so unworthy, then we're all actually on the same page (if that makes any sense).

If that's the case, no one is truly better than the other. We are all equal. We can look to our left and to our right and see other people so different but so similar too. We are not alone. We have the entire world beside us, in every direction. We are all in the same place. Even if we came from different backgrounds, we are all still in the same place. We stand together as one, side by side. We are never alone.

With this in mind, we can all look at one another and then go hand in hand and rise up together. If we are all in this pit of despair and self-loathing, then we are all together and we can rise together as well. We can draw strength and comfort from one another and rise up together. We can link hands as we fight to overcome our demons for the sake of ourselves and others. None of us is ever truly alone because we all know how this sort of pain feels. We are so different but so similar. We all know what self-loathing feels like, and in that, we are united.

And just in the same way you think that the rest of the world is so much better than you, everyone else likely feels the same way. We are all raising one another up without even realizing it. So now it's time to take active control over those misguided thoughts and redirect them with more intentionality. In the same way you can't believe that so many beautiful, wonderful people are so unhappy with themselves, other people feel the same way about you. They think you are beautiful and wonderful. And they can't believe you don't love yourself.

So now, the next time you feel down, try to look at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. Or look at yourself through my eyes (and if you read the other chapters in this silly little thing, you know how highly I think of anyone and everyone) and see how beautiful you are. See how wonderful you are. See how much potential you have. See just how far you could really go. You have more in you than you think. But don't be afraid of all of that! Instead, keep looking at it. Keep looking at just how much you are and believe in it!

Once you feel ready, then, take my hand and rise. Rise with me to the top. Rise with the rest of the world until we have worked our way out of these deep, dark places and come out on the other side able to look at one another under the sun and smile. If we're all in the same pit of self-loathing together, then we're going to claw our way out together and we're going to come out on the other side _together_.


	7. Like Pieces in a Puzzle

I feel like a puzzle. Each piece of me is a friend I've made along the way. And just like pieces in a puzzle, each friend is a different size and shape. Each friend fills a different role for me and each one is "located" in a different place. But despite all these differences, they are all equally loved and important. I need all of them to function, or they would not be my friends otherwise. Even if they are all different in terms of appearance and specific "function" each one is an integral part of me.

So whether you are near or far, close to me or not, I love and appreciate you all dearly and deeply. Each of you is a piece of me. Each of you inspires and drives me. And I think about each of you every day because you deserve it. You deserve to be remembered. And each of you influences me to do/be better. Like pieces in a puzzle, each of you are part of me and each of you has something unique and important to offer. From some of you, I am inspired by your courage. And from others, I take wisdom. And from others still, I take work ethic. Every single one of you, all of my friends, is like a puzzle piece that interlocks to create me.

I take everything I have ever learned from/about all of you and try to use it in my daily life because you deserve to be remembered. I think of you all and want to make you proud, so to speak. That way, each of you gets to share in all my triumphs. Each of you gets credit for what I do because nothing I do exists in a vacuum. All of you helped me become who I am today, so all of you deserves a portion of that final victory. Like pieces in a puzzle, each piece gets its own time and place to shine. Each piece is important. That's how I want to treat all of you. Each of you gets a moment to shine in/through me. Each time I do something good, I attribute it to one of you.

Whether we are close or not, whether you know it or not, this one truly goes out to anyone/everyone I've ever spoken to in any way, shape or form. All of you are important to me in some way. All of you have helped shape me in some way. And for that, all of you deserve some of my life's credit in some way. All of you deserve my love and remembrance in some way. I'd be drastically different without my friends. I shape my life in accordance to what you would want for me. Thanks to you all, I'm a better person than I would have been otherwise. Even if I'm calling the shots, I cannot take the credit, for it was my friends who inspired me to make these choices at all. We all deserve a little due. We all have made this journey together, like pieces in a puzzle building up to the final design. (Boy what a lovely design it is!)

So this one goes out to you. You all have inspired me to write this and you inspire me to be a good person. All of you have done a good deed and all of you deserve the credit. Like pieces in a puzzle, you've made me complete and now allow me to display each and every piece because you all deserve to be seen and loved for the wonders that you are!

I love you all, you're the best!


	8. Unknowable Consequences

As wild as 2020 has been, a few things have happened that feel like pieces of a puzzle falling perfectly into place. Friends are not the only things that have become an integral part to my identity. Fandoms are too. Almost every single year has brought a new obsession for me and, with each new obsession, has come another piece of the puzzle that is me. The most recent one is led by a Youtuber named Dangerous ASMR.

It seems like, in my life, I always become the thing I least expect to. In this case, I became a fan of ASMR Roleplays. But even more than just finding a talented Youtuber, I found an amazing human being. The Dangerous ASMR discord has been my home and obsession for the past 5 months and, in that time, I have grown so much as a person, and my friend circle has expanded beyond my wildest dreams. Truly, I never could've foreseen this. So much love, trust, openness, comfort, support and vulnerability…

It is a life and support network everyone deserves and I am so lucky to have found it. Everyone has been so kind and caring and I am honored to be a part of it. They have all inspired me to be a better person: kinder, gentler, softer, more emotional and open and affectionate. Not so walled off and invisible. And not only have I gained a plethora of new friends, but I've also reconnected with several old ones as well!

But even better than the self-improvement (and friends, new and old) is the story behind the fandom at all. In a true example of unknowable consequences, the whole channel started off on a whim. One simple post. And then it blew up. From that one first little video posted just for fun came an _entire world_. And so many lives have been saved or changed for the better because of it. If that doesn't speak to the power of the butterfly effect, or to the power of how small deeds can ripple out into the largest of consequences, then I don't know what will. No one could've ever foreseen this, but it is _so_ real and so _wonderful_.

This is a living example of what I mean when I say that no deed is too small.

This is a living example of what I mean when I say that you, as an individual, matter more than you could ever know.

This is a living example of what I mean when I say that you, as an individual, can indeed change the world! (Or at least, _a_ world).

This is a living example of throwing a tiny pebble into a lake and watching the ripples expand across the entire surface.

Who would've ever thought a life-saving fandom and a life-changing discord could've come from one simple little video? But here it is.

And _that_ is my true goal in life. Not to become famous or influential, but for all my small deeds to ripple out across the universe itself and wind up making radical changes for the better. I may not matter to many, but to the few who _are_ touched by me, you are exactly what I devote my life to. Dangerous has been an inspiration to me with her endless kindness, and if I could be even as half as good as her, I will be truly proud of myself. Her compassion, acceptance and understanding is what I admire most about her and what I strive to emulate. (She's also very charming and funny, which is another bonus!)

But the important thing is: You must put yourself out there first. That is why I write like this. Not for fame or attention. But to let my words spill out into the world so that others might see them. They are useless, locked up inside my head. In order for any good to be done, they must be seen by the world (even if "the world" is only a few people). So there's your motivation for courage. If you want to change the world, you must be seen. If you want to be seen, you must put yourself out there first. It's scary, but until you try, you'll never know.

And another lesson can be taken from this story. _Anything_ can be used as a force for good. No matter how silly, unexpected or abnormal it seems, goodness and love can come from anywhere. All that matters is the passion in it and the way in which it is wielded. After all, Dangerous makes ASMR videos, and yet some of them have honestly saved lives. Who would've ever thought? And yet who could deny it? What an inspiration!

And I am just a lowly a fanfic writer, but I have still touched lives. Even if my stories weren't directly responsible, they led me to other authors and it was through those friendships that I was finally able to do some real good. But I do use my words to uplift and entertain. Even if it isn't the most normal or far-reaching platform, it's the hill from which I will shout my messages and those messages _will_ positively impact those who hear them, because that is the legacy I want to create for myself, so create it I shall!

True, passion can only carry a person so far, but it is still an important piece of the puzzle. Dangerous' story is a perfect example of how doing something you love can wind up doing good beyond your wildest dreams. And she's made a successful job out of it, so that's another bonus!

This whole year has been one unknowable consequence after another, and all thanks to one woman who posted one video on a whim. It was the start of a chain reaction of unknowable consequences that would lead to this very story! Yes! The discord inspired me to be so much better than I used to be that it inspired the creation of this story! Just as they were a light to me, now I want to be that light for others, so here I am today. This fandom is full of the most diverse, talented, creative, accepting people ever. So many lives have been changed forever. If that isn't an inspiration to do what you love and realize that even the smallest of outcomes can do big things, then I don't know what is.

But even outside the real-life stuff, stories and characters have come to life that otherwise never would've existed. Magical worlds to rival books and movies in the public sphere have been brought to life thanks to _everyone_ in this fandom. Even if they are only fictional tales and characters, they have taken up time, space, energy, attention and passion and they have shaped us just as we have shaped them. Hours of my life have been devoted to the stories she's created. They are just as real as the friends I've acquired (or reconnected with) along the way.

So not only has Dangerous created a real-life world of wonderful people and wonderful connections and friendships, but she has also created many fantasy worlds that, like their real-life counterparts, have rippled out into an endless cycle of mutual creativity. Again, it was the fandom that inspired this anthology! (And all of that, from one woman and one little action, one little video, a year and a half ago…)

Every action has an unknowable consequence, because that one consequence causes a spiderweb of other consequences. It ripples out, and from one little seed, an entire forest can bloom and grow.


	9. The Love of One

Sometimes it feels hard to keep going. Especially in a world as cold, cruel and impossible to navigate as this one. With so many things slowly falling into decay, it's easy to question life's purpose and whether or not it's worth it to stick around. It's been so hard on everyone lately, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Have we truly lost our way? Is there any of hope of finding it again? Or are we just on a steady descent downward with no hope of ever returning to the surface?

It's hard to remember why we live, and it's easy to forget our purpose and worth. But I have come to see that the slow descent of the world does not have to be mutually exclusive with a happy, fulfilling life. Even if the world is dying, that does not mean it is hopeless, or that life is somehow a waste of time now. On the contrary, I would liken this to putting a child to bed. They are about to close their eyes and rest. So be gentle to them. Be good to them. Help them on their way down. Ease their transition.

That is what we must do for each other in today's world. We must look after one another and show more care now than we ever have before. And if you still wonder why, and if it's even worth it, allow me to ease your mind. Yes it is. All you need is the love of one. One thing to love, and one thing to be loved by. Whether that be yourself, a pet, a friend, a relative, a hobby, a goal or an object, all you need to do is find one thing you love and one thing that loves you in return.

And love, in this context, is a wide category indeed. Just so long as it brings you joy, and so long as you bring joy to it, then that is enough. Big or small, a little or a lot, extravagant or simple, it does not matter. All that matters is the affection between you and this one other. Because once you have the love of (and for) one, you have the love of (and for) all.

A forest starts out from a single seed. Love grows. Find that first step, that one thing to love and be loved by. You'd be amazed to watch how it spreads and grows. Die to yourself and focus on that warm, tender, selfless love. That desire to do good and show care even in the face of adversity and despair. That is the truest form of love, and it becomes easier over time. The love of one turns into the love of all, and what starts off as just one little moment will eventually become an entire lifetime.

And like a forest, branches will twist and spiral out across space and time, overlapping again and again. One good deed will ripple through time even if the end result isn't something tangible, or something that you will be able to witness. But rest assured, dear friend, that good deed WILL matter in the end. Let your branches spread and let your forest grow. Don't be afraid to reach out and cover others.

Even if you feel alone and lost right now, the law of probability says that your people are out there somewhere, and you will find them eventually. And thanks to the internet, your chances of meeting likeminded people are that much better. Even if you feel like a misfit where you are right now, even if you feel like you're sitting at a table with "friends" but you're being left out of the "meal", I promise you'll find your perfect fit eventually.

Things may be hard right now, but it literally will not last forever, because nothing ever does. Life has a mysterious and wonderful way of changing in the most unexpected of ways, and if you can manage to see the brighter side of every situation, you cannot lose. One day, you'll sit at a table with real friends whom you won't feel like an outsider or imposter to. You'll feel like you belong with them and aren't just faking it.

What once might have felt like an endless mire of misery will fade away into dry land again, even if it's so slow and subtle that you don't even realize it at first. But one day, things will get better, just because thing will change. Then you'll have a chance to start over new and grow your forest. Starting with the love of one, you'll be able to learn and acquire the love of all, and then you won't be so lost and alone anymore.

And honestly, I volunteer to be your first step. Or one of them, at least. So stay strong and fight on, my friends, we are too precious to die before we get to see all the goodness that still exists in the world. We may have to do a bit of digging (literally and metaphorically) but I know that, together, we can find the diamonds in the rough. We'll become each other's loves and that's how our support system will flourish. The love of one will lead to the love of all.

Besides, life changes on a dime. It may seem endlessly hopeless right now, but everything can change in the blink of an eye, and you may find yourself living a life you NEVER thought was even possible just a few short weeks ago. But in order to get there, you gotta hold on. So take my hand, and let's show life who's boss!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Inspired off my weird and overly affectionate thoughts, the Dangerous ASMR discord server, and the Taylor Swift song "Everything Has Changed" (which has almost become my anthem for this year.)
> 
> Seriously, things DO change for the better and you'll someday have a life that the You from just a few months ago wouldn't have seen even in their wildest dreams and it is SO incredible!


	10. You Are What You Love

It's an old saying, but it's true. Truer than any of us could ever imagine. To me, saying "you are what you love" doesn't just mean that you need to be careful what you love, or that the things you enjoy are a reflection of you. On the contrary, I see it as a deeper sign that even if we don't feel like we love ourselves, there's a tiny part of us that actually does.

We are what we love. And so, in a strange way, we MUST love ourselves, even if we don't realize it at first.

When the inward eye hates what it sees, we turn to the outward eye and look for solace in other places. Whether that be objects, people, activities, etc. we turn our eyes away from ourselves and towards something we love. Then we try to emulate it. Then we try to multiply it. We try to become what we love, uniting its existence with our own. Then we try to replicate it, make something of our own, and spread the love across the world.

We literally become what we love. So what is there left in us to hate?

And I'm sure everyone reading this "story" has geeked out over at least a few fandoms or people in their lives, so you know exactly what I'm talking about. Buying merch, creating stories and art, spreading the word, interacting with fellow fans. All of that is an example of us becoming what we love. And perhaps that is life's great loophole.

If we pretend that every human needs a certain amount of love in their lives, what happens to those who cannot love themselves? Well, then WE love them instead. And then THEY love someone/thing else that cannot love itself for itself. And that's how the cycle perpetuates. That's how we all meet our "love quota" even if we do not love ourselves.

This is what I think friends are truly for. When you find yourself unable to love yourself, find a friend who will love you instead. And when they are not able to love themselves, that is when you must love them enough for both of you.

Love sustains when life alone is not enough. After all, in many ways, it is illogical that all of us are still here, and yet we are.

I live because I love. I don't necessarily love myself, but I DO love, and so long as I can do that, I will try to become _that which_ I love, so that maybe someday, when I look in the mirror (literally and metaphorically), I will finally like what I see.

But until then, my dear friends and readers alike, you are what keeps me going. When I cannot love myself, you wonderful people love me instead. Thanks to that, despite all "logic", I am still here, and I wish to stay. I want to stay so that I, in turn, may be for someone else what you are to me.

So now we must all make a pact. We must promise to always be there for one another… and ourselves. We'd be so quick to look into a mirror and cringe. But with equal speed, we'd look into the eyes of someone else (be they friend or stranger) and tell them they are worthy of life and love. We can believe that other people deserve to live, so why can't we believe the same about ourselves?

We must start seeing ourselves the way others do. None of us are that different from one another. We all struggle with feelings of inadequacy. But because we ALL feel this way, we are all on even ground. So when we tell other people "You must stay alive!" we have to extend that same cry to ourselves, even if we don't feel like we deserve it. That is the only way we will ever stop the endless cycle of misery and death.

If everyone were to call themselves the exception to the rule, then we'd all be dead. That's why we must cast our inward-facing eye aside and trust the voices of others. If they ask us to stay, we must stay. If they tell us they love us, then we must try to believe it. Even if we don't feel it.

And love isn't always warm and mushy. Sometimes it means knowing when to carry on, even when you really want to quit. And it's ok to want to quit, so long as the effort is there as well. The people who love us, the people who we try to "become", would want us to live, so for their sakes, it's worth a shot.

It's funny, no matter how desperate for death we may be, we would gladly save the life of someone else. Maybe it's a sign that we DO understand that life is the answer after all? Even if only our subconscious realizes it.

So now we just need to make the inward eye see what the outward one does and the next time someone asks us to hold on, we have to try. It won't be easy, and it's ok to slip up and want to quit, but the important thing is to try. And to remember that we are what we love. In the same way you'd want to help someone else, help yourself as well. See yourself as the people you love. Not ONE of the people you love, but _the people_ you love.

But if it feels too hard to love yourself, I got your back! After all, I am what I love: my readers and my friends. I know what my loved ones would want for me, so I will try to emulate it. That's why I wrote this piece at all. So let us all be what we love, let us be each other, and then… let us live.

Because hey, it's perfectly ok to live for someone/thing else if you feel like you can't live for yourself. That's why we're _all_ here. We need each other.

If you are what you love, then you are everything, and you are worthy. You are me, and although I may not always want to live, I have people out there who want me to, so for their sakes, I will try to save you just as much as I try to save myself.

I am what I love: I am all of you. So I want all of you to live. And because I am what I love, then I must live as well.


	11. A Chance in Change

I can't promise things will get better, but at the very least, they will change, and there is always a chance in change. Even if it's nothing drastic, even if it's just the simple passage of time, things will be different eventually. They will be new. And newness is always refreshing, even if it isn't pleasant. But that's why hope is so important. Hope is the ability to look towards the future no matter how bad the past was.

But part of the way to have a realistic, and thusly "correct", hope, it must be grounded in realism. Newness isn't refreshing in the sense that it's always enjoyable or positive. It's refreshing in the sense that because it is different, it stimulates the brain more and gives us new challenges to overcome and new ways to see those challenges. Sometimes, a change of scenery or change of view really is a huge help. Anything beats stagnation, which is the real killer here.

And realizing that there is no such thing as a "happily ever after" (rather, there are only calms between storms) is the first step in this process. And this phrase is not as bleak or cynical as it sounds. Instead, there is hope and reassurance in it. It promises that the story will never end. There will always be a new chapter to write eventually. The adventure is endless!

There is no "happily ever after" because there is no "ever after". There's just life. Dynamic and everchanging. Always full of new possibilities, even if takes a while to realize. And to be grounded in this statement, this epiphany, is not a sign of defeat. It's a sign of understanding, and courage. After all, it's never easy to accept a reality that is new to us, especially if it is a grim reality.

But to be able to accept it nonetheless, and not just in a resigned agreement, but an enthusiastic desire to see how life can be under this new lens, that's what it means to truly have hope and vivacity.

Perhaps it _is_ upsetting to think that life is an endless storm with patches of calm sprinkled throughout, but it's like they always say: good things don't come easy, and nothing worth doing is ever simple. Besides, the promise is that the patches of calm will be sprinkled throughout. There will always be a return to rest. Even if you have to face a few storms, you always have the promise of things calming back down again. That's the plus side to a dynamic life. No matter how low it gets, it has to come back up eventually. That's just how it works.

And because there is always chance in change, sometimes just existing long enough will land you in places you never thought you'd be. Or in places you never even imagined existed! Like I said with the unknowable consequences, sometimes the most impactful moments of life come just because you stuck around long enough.

So that is why you cannot give up too early! As miserable as it may be, and as valid as it may be to want to surrender, if you leave right now, there's a world of possibilities (and things beyond even that) you'll never get to see. Maybe in the moment, this doesn't seem that terrible, but I've always just told myself, "What about the friends I haven't met yet?" and the curiosity is always strong enough to keep me going.

You'll look back in amazement at how far you've come, how much has changed, and how different it is from what you expected. Then when you realize the same rules apply when you're looking forward, you'll understand why we must carry on.

And when we realize that other people go through these cycles and phases too, that will make us feel a lot less lonely. And maybe it will even motivate us to carry on so that we can help others through _their_ cycles and phases too.

We are all never worse but never better. Things have never been lower, but we've never been smarter or kinder. This is the dynamic nature of life, and what a wild ride it is!


End file.
